Blown Off

Ever feel like you’re being blown off? I felt like that today on the Fresco IRC. [tired]Is it just me? I mean – what is it? Or is it the fact that I haven’t contibuted enough code to be useful yet? I’ll start working more on CORBA. I think the ideas behind it are neat, but I suspect that lots of companies will rather code their systems in one language. Or use .NET. U wonder if I actually want to live in a dystopian world? I think maybe…yes. I don’t know. It’s weird – if I close my eyes I see myself going home to a tiny apartment. The hallway is dark – not totally dark, but dimly lighted. The lighting is an orange shade – it appears to originate from some point at the end of the hallway. I can’t see my face – I never see my face. I’m looking at my back. I’m wearing some sort of trenchcoat, a sort of grey woolen thing I think. I pass two people talking. I don’t even bother looking at them – eye contact is minimized. I’m in chase mode – I swing round to my back, I open the door. It’s not even a normal door. The screen goes black. I want to go back. I’ve been here at least once before that I am sure of and I have memories of an earlier time. The elevator. I still remember the elevator. We’re going up. It’s utilitarian. There’s metal at the bottom. But I can’t remember the floor. It’s a glass capsule and I can see out. But I can’t remember what I see. It’s something black – night, the outside of the housing complex? Or perhaps a memory from my childhood – the empty column down the cnter of the building – seven stories up. I used ot wonder how it would be to fall. To fall down. What was at the bottom? Was it the refuse of years past – or was it clean? Why was it even there? I’m in the elevator, I look around. Someone turns to talk to me. There are three inside. A shield goes up and the voices of the other two die away. I’m surprised – I’ve never seen anything like it before. I want to go back…

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