Crashing Down

I feel like everything is spinning out of control. I sit here, staring at the RTX and putting together piece after piece and I seem lacking. My depression’s back and in full force this time, which is no good at all.

I’ve even got dance music on (the much maligned dance) and even then I don’t feel any better. The worst thing about depression is the energy it saps out of you. You feel almost…wasted… You question yourself, your place – anything and everything. You ask yourself what its worth.

It takes a lot of energy to keep going. A lot. The key (I’ve found) is to avoid slipping into a morass of self pity/guilt/pain/hurt or any dampening emotion. (I would not classify anger as dampening). You’ve got to keep working and push yourself to get past it all.

I wonder how people who have true clinical depression. I cannot imagine the world they live in. It’s almost frightening in its bleakness.

Comments

  1. Masurium - February 4, 2004 @ 00:52

    I have a lot of reasons to be depressed too. Of course, can’t let them get me down either. Keep fighting. I find that going for a walk, or just sitting in the dark looking out the window at night really help to calm me down.

    Or we could drag you out to a bar and have you drink until you wake up the next day in a ditch in Mexico?

  2. The_Voice - February 4, 2004 @ 01:20

    People with clinical depression may sometimes recover within 6 months after their worst moment. HOWEVER, it can be serious enough that people want to hurt themselves. I watched a film in my psych course about a guy who has attempted to kill himself once for every years he was alive… which totalled 23 times… but he recovered with certain medication… absolutely HORRID depression sometimes requires shock therapy… no joke… it’s still used, but only for SEVERE suicidal depression.

    But here’s the cycle of depression in case you’re wondering:
    1) Something happens. you blame yourself.
    2) It becomes global, as in depression will expand to everything
    3) This feeds other events.
    4)Cycle…

    Break the cycle at any one point. Blame someone else, and realise that it won’t affect anything… thus, breaking cycle. Yes, harder than it sounds, but can still be done.

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