Today I got up late.
I can sense the blank stare, that implied question: “So?”.
I do not get up late. I usually anticipate the alarm or, on those occasions where it does go off, I’m out of bed within a minute or two. That’s probably the antithesis of a good percentage of the world’s population.
Now, theres a corollary to that. The above is true _only_ if I’ve been getting a sufficient (>5) amount of sleep. Unfortunately, for the past few days that hasn’t been the case. I believe, that in the past week there hasn’t been a single day on which I’ve broken 5 hours, going for an average of 3 – 4.5 hours instead. What’s even stranger is that on those days I got up before my alarm went off. That being said, yesterday I went to sleep at around 3:30 – 4:00 and attempted to wake up at 6:00. Instead, I was woken up by Mike walking into my room at 7:00 and asking me if I was going to work anytime soon. My first thought: “S***”. My second thought: “What am I doing in bed at 7:00?” Apparently I managed to turn my alarm off in my sleep without any awareness of doing so. Scary.
Where’s the backstory? What _was_ I doing up at 4AM?
The story starts on Thursday. With a couple of hours of self-reflection, a movie about poker and a slow, dawning realization. It’s odd how these phrases, these pithy – one would almost say corny – lines in a movie on poker can suddenly clarify troubling questions and situations for you. Perhaps its just the straightforwardness of it all. When put in that light, you stop, step back and ask yourself – “Am I not behaving like that?”.
Or maybe I always knew it and all it took was a sudden impetus for that thought to make the transit from my subconcious. Who can say.
Needless to say, I realized the futility of it all. And I stayed up till 3:30, watching and yet…not watching. Seeing but not interpreting. All I wanted was to hold on to that feeling that I knew what my path would be. When the way forward is murky, even the suggestion of guidance can be exhilirating.
Fast forward to late Friday. I’m watching Shrek 2. I’m laughing in the theatres and the movie’s drawn me into it. That’s when I notice the buildings. They’re computer generated. They…remind me of something. Something that I haven’t done in ages. I sense a slow craving grow within me. When I go home, I write, putting off the inevitable. And then @ 12 or so I give in. I reboot and enter my Windows account. And then?
And then I play Simcity 4 till 3:00.
Saturday’s here and I’m up before 8:00. I’ve got a hankering now to go out…do something – anything! [grins]I decide therefore, to master my fears and take the transit down to Fashion Valley for a day of purchases. But not before I indulge in a little Beowulf. Time returned from Fashion Valley – 8:45. PM. Left for a Brew Pub down Nobel Dr. @ 10:30 and stayed there till 1:00. Laughed as Justin pointed out a girl wearing a green…thing…that looked a shawl that had a haphazard hole torn for the head. Walked back home and played Simcity till 4:50. Went to sleep at that time – but not before making arrangements…to buy a video card the next day :)
That’s right…I bought a new video card :P