Geisha Dreams


As I sit here listening to “Geisha Dreams” by Rollergirl, I am aware just how much my life and by extension – I – have changed over the previous month.

In moments of bemusement I wonder if this is ordained to be the pattern of my life – a roller coaster pattern of hopes, emotions, solitude, anger, depression and more. Looking back I remember times and events I’ve enjoyed as flashes of light in a topographic grey landscape. Is this how it is for everyone? Or am I just more apt to be ‘down’ on life than most?

Justin once told me that the same event can elicit markedly different responses from two different people. Some view it in a pessimistic light, taking every event as a personal slight against them, while others just let it roll off their backs. I ask however – is one’s response to situations in life is completely determined by conscious thought? I know it sounds like the answer should be so obviously a “yes”. I wonder though, if part of it just isn’t under our control. Maybe I’m so convinced of this, or need to be so convinced of this because of my own reactions. Looking back at my life, as far back as I can remember, I have always viewed situations pessimistically. I can’t believe that even in my youngest years I made the conscious decision to do this.

Now, as I think about this, I ask – just “who” am I. Another interesting question is – who do you think I am? What is the first thing that comes to mind when my name is mentioned?


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  • Hey Allen,

    Just finished my last exam and I am more than ready to get out of Waterloo and head home for some R & R.

    This is how I look at life – there’s a reason for everthing that happens to you in life – if it is tragic – there’s something behind that – perhaps to make you appreciate something a little more or what have you. When things go your way – it means that you have passed through a series of battles and there’s some clearing. With every misfortune – I take it as a part of life and I don’t let it get to me. I try to use the experience later in life or at least hold on to the experience for later. Many people are lucky and others or not so well off. But – I believe that chance is the favour for everyone that lives life faithfully and do not become vengeful and punish others for things that has happend to you. NO worries – i;ll talk to ya later.

  • Hey Kurt!

    ‘Tis good to know that you’re done your exams. As to how you feel right now – you’re not alone. I know _exactly_ how you feel. You know, “been there, done that”.

    Those are inspiring words Kurt. I however, have a problem with integrating them into my life. For one thing – if everything has a reason – I find myself obsessing (yes, obsessing) over what the reason is. It’s hard not to feel shafted when you realize just what ‘may have been if…’ Lately I’ve realized that I just have to seize my opportunities quicker not look back.

    It almost never feels as if events ‘go my way’. My Dad would say however, that I’m being overly negative.

    Agreed. I try never to succumb to bitterness and take it out on others. While I admit that I’m not always successful in avoiding bitterness, I have (till now) avoided spillover into my interactions with others.

    TTYL. Looking forward to lots of good times with you and Justin next term!

  • Although you may think you have missed an opportunity – no doubt the path you follow on now will hold a series of greater opportunities. But, that is only granted to those that are patient and …faithful. That is what I believe. Of course you must believe this line of thinking even in the worst conditions in order for chance. That’s the tough part.

    Alright – see ya – yeah – the fall term will be a blast. I will come by every now and then and we’ll do something. 3B is going to be a busy time for you I suspect but we’ll fit it in.