As I sit here listening to “Geisha Dreams” by Rollergirl, I am aware just how much my life and by extension – I – have changed over the previous month.
In moments of bemusement I wonder if this is ordained to be the pattern of my life – a roller coaster pattern of hopes, emotions, solitude, anger, depression and more. Looking back I remember times and events I’ve enjoyed as flashes of light in a topographic grey landscape. Is this how it is for everyone? Or am I just more apt to be ‘down’ on life than most?
Justin once told me that the same event can elicit markedly different responses from two different people. Some view it in a pessimistic light, taking every event as a personal slight against them, while others just let it roll off their backs. I ask however – is one’s response to situations in life is completely determined by conscious thought? I know it sounds like the answer should be so obviously a “yes”. I wonder though, if part of it just isn’t under our control. Maybe I’m so convinced of this, or need to be so convinced of this because of my own reactions. Looking back at my life, as far back as I can remember, I have always viewed situations pessimistically. I can’t believe that even in my youngest years I made the conscious decision to do this.
Now, as I think about this, I ask – just “who” am I. Another interesting question is – who do you think I am? What is the first thing that comes to mind when my name is mentioned?