October 22, 2004 by Allen George
‘Cos there’s beauty in the breakdown
Is there really? What sort of breakdown are we talking about here? Decomposing your persona? Trying to understand yourself?
Or more likely – relinquishing the straitjacket you’re using to hold yourself together?
Imagine yourself as a spinning top desperately trying to hold yourself together – conflicting goals, dreams, desires, responsibilities. You spin – spin as fast as you can – don’t stop to examine. Don’t stop to think. Don’t stop to let life catch you unawares. ‘Cause the moment you do so – the moment you slow down – you lose control. Can you see the disorientation? Your personality fragmenting; shimmering kaleidoscope-like in the light as you realize the disparity in your union.
No – we all control ourselves and on some instinctive level we know that there’s no ‘beauty’ in the breakdown. Who wants to experience a meltdown of their personality, the plunge downwards? No one. We avoid it. Anything to avoid it. There’s no time to reconstruct your life around you. Not when there’s so much we have to do. Want to do.