3A Directions…

I finished 1 section on 3A, covering one of the three major factors in my life at that time. I have two directions left to take, one horrendously more complex than the other.

I’m usually pretty good at recognizing what’s unachievable. Been in my fair share of untenable situations. Usually extricated myself before investing too much emotional capital in them too. What I chose to do back then – yes, chose, although at the time I preferred to believe myself a victim of circumstance – was strengthen my involvement, knowing full well that…

That what?

[silence]

Exactly.

That nothing. Which I ignored at the time. Maybe the soundest advice I can give is: know when to stop. When to let go. And of course, the saddest, most frustrating part is that no one can tell you that; it all rests on you. You have to:

  • Know when to let go.
  • Realize when you’re in that situation.
  • Understand that you alone control the outcome.

Bitter? Me? No. Just animated in a “What was I thinking?” sort of way.

You know, I entered university when I was 18 and I remember laughing at who I was 2 years earlier. I was ‘mature’. Certainly much more so than that 16-year old. I could handle anything. Well – never, ever, tempt fate. Now I’m 21 and I look back at that immature 18-year old and I cringe inside.

“Was that really me? Did I really think I was mature? Did I really think I could handle anything?”

And I’m conscious that when I’m 23 and just about to leave Waterloo, I’ll look back on 2004 and ask myself the same questions. That it’s with a tinge of sadness that I’ll wonder if I made the right decisions. Whether I could have taken a different path. Hindsight being what it is, I’ll ask myself “Couldn’t he have dealt with it differently? Was he mature about the entire situation?”

Till then…

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