Rant Time

It’s been a while since I’ve indulged in a rant, so here goes.

ABC News just declared bloggers as their choice for people of the year. There’s no reverent hush in my voice, no sense of a recognition whose time has come – no – none of this. I’ve only started writing fairly recently, so I would never consider myself a vanguard of what’s now the new cool. In fact, had it not been for two articles, this ‘honor’ would have passed uncommented.

What happened? Two words. Slashdot. K5.

If you’re a regular slashdot browser, I think you’ll agree with the following observations.

  • The word ‘blog’ seems to offend a majority of the slashdot readership. I don’t know what it is, or why, but for some reason the word itself seems to invoke fervent hissing and snarling.
  • A majority of the slashdot community view blogs as nothing more than peurile twat that’s polluting the internet and would dearly love to see their demise.
  • A vocal subsection of the slashdot community seem to view blogs as a personal attack on their space and take issue with the fact that people see reason to post their thoughts and more online.

That alone would never have sent me over the top. I read quite a bit of slashdot and if I’ve grown to realize one thing it’s this – a majority (not all) of the commenters are socially deprived, angst-ridden teenage boys who see themselves as the vanguard against the ‘dumb majority’.

To them I say – screw you and the high horse you guys rode in on. What makes the peurile drivel you spout on slashdot in the largest display of mutual petting online any more worthy than 99% of the content out there? You know that sig you’re using? Well – it’s stupid. That one-liner you thought was so funny? Try again. People are DIFFERENT. What doesn’t interest you may interest someone else. Deal. It’s called the real world and it exists outside that dank, humid corner of your parent’s basement you’ve infested while you try to download your next gig of porn.

Great. Now I’ve descended a couple of levels.

Well ignoring that slight outburst, what really put me over the top was an article on K5 with the following points.

  • You are all pretentious twats
  • You make up irritating jargon for the sake of it
  • All of your blogs talk about the same crap
  • Movable Type is badly designed
  • Movable Type’s bad design makes it easier to DoS you
  • You are fucking stupid
  • You are all sheep
  • Your blog is fucking up Google
  • In conclusion

Let’s start with point 1. All of ‘us’ are no more pretentious twats than you are you self-obsessed cretin. The only difference is that I don’t have a soapbox with tens of thousands of visitors from which I can peddle tripe. No – that honor’s reserved for you and your spewings. And no, I am not an iMac-using WASP. And those tertiary-industry-working folks you’re lashing? Who the hell think designed the software you’re using with such venom?

On to point 2. I’m sorry – was there a committee on acceptable words for the English language that I was unaware of? Are you a standing member? A bastion against the horrors of corrupting a language that’s in no way pure? Hey stupid – English is fluid. It’s already a inconsistently designed potluck. Who cares about what words make it or dont? Oh – I’m sorry. You have a problem with the people who’re adding the words. I forgot.

Point 3. Hmm…you have a problem with a number of people having an opinion about the same small set of subjects. I’m sorry – I must be missing something. Did someone force you to read all these opinions? You glued to the chair reading these posts? Here’s a thought – if you don’t want to read it – DON’T. I’m sorry the rest of the world (me included) can’t reach your high standards for original content. Lord knows we try – and at least we’re making the effort. But naw – that’s worth nothing.

Point 4 and 5. Let’s sum up what you’re saying: Moveable Type sucks. Newsflash! Windows is badly designed and makes it easy to infect you with viruses. Since you’ve so effectively sniped against the iMac using community, I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’re a Windows user. Since Windows sucks you must be stupid. After all, tools define the user right?

Point 6. Hmm…you have a problem with bloggers using “massive, grating rhetorical faux pas such as false analogies”. Welcome to the human race. You’ll notice that both you and I are guilty of the same sins.

Point 7. Baaaaaaaa. It takes one to recognize one.

Point 8. Google does not define the web. If google has a problem with blogs that is Google’s problem – not mine. Remember life without Google? [shock][horror] My GAWD how did we survive?

Point 9. “Move your shit over to LiveJournal. At least then we can pretend that it doesn’t exist and you can stop pretending that your shit doesn’t stink.”

After you. Your shit definitely stinks.

Oh yeah. Happy new year.

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