May 13, 2005 by Allen George
Introspection is an odd state of mind. I’m most introspective when I”m emotionally stressed. When I’m in that…frame of mind…I’m darker. I’m tempted to say colder but even as I type that word, I question it. Thinking back to my behavior in 3B, I suspect that I gave monologues when I started thinking too deeply. It’s a reflection of how I think itself – my day is one long, personal conversation. Held in the recesses of my mind I scream, berate, chafe and dictate. Look at myself as two distinct halves, one admonishing, the other…
What about the other?
He’s me. Let me be more specific. He’s who I am now. The person who carries out the actions freewheelingly dealt out upstairs.
Silence. It’s what I crave most when I’m introspective. I want to achieve freedom from the environment around me. Free to forget about the shackles of my current priorities. Which explains why I have far fewer opportunities this term, with work bearing down on me from all angles.