Gah

Here’s a thought. I can dictate entries in my mind all day, but after I’ve finished my ‘work for the day’ and just before I go to sleep, I can’t bring myself to put anything down on the screen.

Why?

Is it pure laziness on my part? Why can’t I simply force myself to work through the tiredness?

[taps desk]

It’s times like these that upset me the most. The thought that I’m shirking an activity in favor of ‘letting go’ is … upsetting. No. Even stronger. Disappointing. It’s disappointing that I’m weak enough to let this happen. To me this says one thing: “Allen is not willing to put in the effort to get something done.”

And that …

Angers me.
Scares me.

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