August 5, 2005. 6:33 PM. Exam study session.
I hate it.
When I study for exams, day and night blends; time loses definition and I wake up repeatedly, saying “It’s ok. It’s not today”. It must be the way I study. Confined to my room I thumb, click and scratch through notes, slides and tutorials. Piece together the thread that binds all three, attempting to commit their contents to memory. The window is my only portal to the world.
I do not walk outside.
I do not grab a coffee at the Second Cup.
I see no one outside the confines of my apartment. My four…five…housemates are my only tangible human contact and we are silent most of the day, confined to cells of our own making. In the breaks I take, I surf aimlessly. Witlessly. It brings me no succor. No relief. I know that I’m looking for something – I can feel it. But I don’t know what.