October 16, 2005 by Allen George
I couldn’t feel my right arm when I woke up.
That’s really not how you want to start your day. “Ok.” I’m thinking “What’s the plan Stan?”
- Step 1: Pull my head off my arm – let the blood flow back in.
- Step 2: Use my left arm to raise my right. Doesn’t hurt to check if there’s a modicum of feeling in that limb.
- Step 3: Drop my non-responsive arm onto my face, choking my air supply.
I love plans.
An arm with no blood circulation is how I’d imagine a freshly dead body to feel. Heavy, latent warmth, utterly uncooperative and foreign. It’s fairly trippy to wake up with the unreasonable thought that you may have a dead limb attached to you.
Considering that I’d slept for only two hours it was unsurprising that my alarm clock woke me in the middle of a dream. And a weird one at that. I’m being chased by neighbourhood kids on little bikes through a garish and dark funhouse-style neighbourhood. My solution: fight them off with PB & J sandwiches.