5:23

I couldn’t feel my right arm when I woke up.

That’s really not how you want to start your day. “Ok.” I’m thinking “What’s the plan Stan?”

  • Step 1: Pull my head off my arm – let the blood flow back in.
  • Step 2: Use my left arm to raise my right. Doesn’t hurt to check if there’s a modicum of feeling in that limb.
  • Step 3: Drop my non-responsive arm onto my face, choking my air supply.

I love plans.

An arm with no blood circulation is how I’d imagine a freshly dead body to feel. Heavy, latent warmth, utterly uncooperative and foreign. It’s fairly trippy to wake up with the unreasonable thought that you may have a dead limb attached to you.

Considering that I’d slept for only two hours it was unsurprising that my alarm clock woke me in the middle of a dream. And a weird one at that. I’m being chased by neighbourhood kids on little bikes through a garish and dark funhouse-style neighbourhood. My solution: fight them off with PB & J sandwiches.

Mmmhmm.

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