Again I am torn between what I have to do and what I’d rather do.
Oh dammit. Who am I kidding. I bitch, bitch, bitch so much about this, that (haha…this-that) I don’t actually take the steps to end this accursed state of affairs. Why don’t I admit it? After all, didn’t I make the choice to sit here in my room, door closed and reading instead of watching TV with my roommates? Isn’t that the reason why they’re now socializing with the neighbours and I…
And I wondered why I lead such a bleak existence.
Ok – never wondered – always knew.
Alright, alright, knew, but…but what?
Truth is, I don’t know why I do it. Is it possible to be angry, self-deprecating and upset at the same time? I swear I’m finding the entire situation more funny than anything – yet I’m too disgusted with myself to take full pleasure in it.